December 15, 2011
Began taking hormones again.
- 5mg Finasteride
- 50mg Spironolactone (half pill)
- 1mg Estrad(iol? Estrongen)
- 20mg Prog(esterone)
The cream is weird, and has a mild smell not unlike Elmer's Glue, and a similar consistency. Seems to air-dry quickly. I'm supposed to apply it to thin skin, rubbing it into my breasts (not that I expect that to DO anything). Depression setting in, I definitely need to get in contact with Jordan.
December 18, 2011
Still depressed. Contacted Jordan for an appointment.
December 19, 2011
Spiro dosage increased, per Doctor Leigh's orders.
- 5mg Finasteride
- 100mg Spironolactone (one full pill, half of final dosage)
- 1mg Estrad(iol? Estrongen)
- 20mg Prog(esterone)
December 20, 2011
Depressed, visited Jordan (therapist). We discussed planning Orchiectomy for 6 months out (June?), breasts thereafter (yearish?) and voice surgery (if any) after that. Cried a bit about parenting issues, childhood traumas relating to children, etc. Jordan suggested if I wasn't feeling less depressed in 2 weeks, make an appointment. Otherwise, make an appointment in 4-6 weeks.
December 23, 2011
Spiro Dosage increased to full doseage
- 5mg Finasteride
- 200mg Spironolactone (2 pills at bedtime)
- 1mg Estrad(iol? Estrongen)
- 20mg Prog(esterone)
Becoming more aware of my breasts. They seem rounder. But I'm probably imagining it. Rubbing my breasts every night is definitely making me hyper-conscious of them. Might be some slight swelling.
December 27, 2011
The nightly breast massaging (applying the cream) might be making my breasts more sensitive, or it could be the hormones. They feel slightly fuller today, and a bit softer. I'm finding myself very urgently horny around 7pm for the last 2 days. Could this be the previous night's Spiro wearing off? Christmas coming and going seems to have lightened my mood, and I'm able to get some work done in SL, even though there's lots of boredom and lonliness. (hardly anyone is online recently).
January 2, 2012
At this point, it's clear that anything I was perceiving was either all in my head, or temporary in terms of sensitivity to the massaging. The depression of a couple weeks back was clearly transient, and in the days following Christmas, I've continued to get quite a bit done in terms of work. The urgency of the 7pm wave has abated, as has the 7pm wave.. so I'm guessing that was probably also just an adjustment thing.. or just some weird fluke. I'm noticing more than a few fears relating to happiness in relationships, feeling unfulfilled, feeling inferor and unable to keep up with competitors. Recent movies: superman, last starfighter, outland, and unbreakable.
January 10, 2012
I'm breaking out again. 4 pimples, 3 on the face. Time to order refills on the finasteride and spiro. Did some preliminary price-checking on meds, and can expect to pay something like 56$ for three months of these meds. I will be doing a more complete price search in the next couple of days, probably making a spreadsheet to make future checks easier. Contacted Dr. Leigh regarding refills. I really do like her as a doctor. I wish I could afford her full time. Noticed some stiffness in my left breast tissues today, the right isn't far behind. There's definitely been some minor selling in my breasts but I still think it's too early to call it growth. the "knots" are coming back tho, so maybe all is not list on the growth front. Dr. Leigh has signed on to my 6, 12 and X month plan for orchi, breasts, and voice.. so it seems both letter writers I need are onboard now. Suddenly July seems terrifyingly close. I need a better way to do this journal.
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